Common Habits I Regret NOT Taking Seriously Sooner

Over the last 6 months, and in particular the last 3, I have learned that I was wrong in not taking seriously 3 foundational life habits.

These habits have really started to shift my mental health and how I see things today. And in this note, I want to share them with you and explain why they’ve become a priority for me, when in the past, I considered them absolute BS.

Now, before I jump to the 3 habits I considered absolute BS, let me start by explaining why they felt like absolute BS initially - this might help you see other things with different eyes too.

Firstly, I think if you want to change yourself, and therefore change a few things in your life - either by removing or adding new habits - you need to want to change from within, not from a place of ego.

If you want to implement this brand new habit you’ve seen people talking about, I promise you, you won’t be able to sustain and implement that habit long-term if it comes from a place of ego. This is the fundamental reason why people don’t change - it all comes down to our identity, the person we are being, the construct we have created over time. And if we want to start creating change in our life, we need to stop doing what most people do and fail at adopting new habits: just start doing new actions and implementing new habits without starting with changing at the being level first. My suggestion to you is to first try to identify yourself with the new belief, and then implement the habit in your life. The classic example here is that it’s proven people can quit smoking much faster and more sustainably if they change their being and start identifying themselves as a non-smoker when they decide to quit smoking. There’s a huge neuroscience effect if we say, 'I’m a smoker but I want to quit,' versus 'I am a non-smoker, so I don’t want to smoke anymore.'

Secondly, I think I’ve developed myself in a way that tries to be rational about things where, in fact, a bit of 'go with the flow' might just work best for me. So when I’ve been reading about some of these habits, I missed their actual points as I couldn’t fully see the rational part of it and rather considered them too flower-power and just some random stuff you need to include in your life to look and sound cool; they were more buzzwords for me.

Thirdly, somewhere down the line, I have lost two things: the touch with my inner self and the touch with the fact that maybe life is not about being super productive all the time, and any habit that implies sitting still for a minute or not getting a clear output as a result is a total waste of time and life. My family has been laughing about me for years now because not only have I been pushing myself not to 'lose time,' but I was very demanding with them too, often saying: “so we better do something than taking a nap or reading a comic magazine”.

So now that you have a bit of background on why I’ve labeled some of these common habits as total BS, let’s jump straight into it

Habit Number 1: Prioritize Nourishing The Soul First Thing in the Morning

Might sound cheesy, but bear with me.

I don’t know about you, but most of my mornings, until a few months ago, have been about waking up and checking emails, text messages, and social media. Then brushing my teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, looking after my dog, making a coffee, and starting my workday. And most of the days, all this was a rushed prelude to work.

While there’s no secret that how we start our mornings dictates how we feel, act, and decide the rest of our day, this has been my "routine" for many years. I’ve also not been a super early bird, and each time I tried waking up early, I couldn’t see the purpose in doing that. Knowing myself in the past, I knew there might be a risk of just getting straight into work mode and adding even more hours of work to the day.

I vividly remember having a chat with my husband sometime around 2020 during the pandemic, where he was telling me that one secret to becoming an early bird - which is a productivity hack all gurus swear by - is to make sure we have a reason to wake up excited for. Not sure about you, but because of my absolutely toxic traits in the morning, such as checking emails and notifications - both personal and work-related - I think I’ve developed some sort of weird anxiety, and I can’t say that I used to find anything pleasant in waking up. Or not to the level of really sparking some sort of enjoyment so it makes me wake up even earlier than the amount of time I need to get ready for the workday. So, somehow, I looked at that habit a bit as BS - all it was telling me was that you sacrifice a couple of hours of sleep eventually to wake up early, implement some shiny habits praised by some gurus without anything really valuable in return.

However, that changed in the last 3 months - as you might now be aware, between Dec 2023 and March 2024, I was on sabbatical leave, which gave me the chance to sit down into some raw and honest discussions with myself. Throughout these months, I found myself implementing this habit without even knowing it, and I can tell you it is indeed extremely powerful.

Today, I wake up each day excited by the fact that I have this time with myself, for myself, and look at the first hour and a half as a small retreat I give to myself each day. (BTW, I don’t think how early you wake up is the point, but rather having the time to do something for yourself before jumping straight into the crazy busy day of your job, for example, or before having kids awake, etc.)

So here are 4 rules or steps, if you want, that I’ve implemented to bring this state of joy into my everyday:

1. I’m using the phone for these 3 activities only - turning off the alarm, playing morning relaxation music, and from time to time, sending a message to a friend, my family, or someone dear while I’m sitting over a coffee because I want to dedicate meaningful time to connect with them. I don’t check my emails, I don’t check my notifications, not even other text messages from people besides the person I intentionally decided to check in with and connect, and the ones from my sister and my family.

2. I play some morning chill music, mostly well-known meditation playlists you can easily find on YT, while I shower, do my makeup, and get ready.

3. I enjoy my cup of coffee either doing nothing - yep, I sometimes just sit and drink coffee nowadays, or pairing that with a random activity like watering my plants (which, btw, I love green plants in the house, the trick here is to include those activities you enjoy).

4. I then do another activity that gives me joy - on many mornings, I’ve been lighting a few candles and writing my blog posts, or doing some self-reflections. In my experience, having 45-60 mins allocated in the morning for your hobby, or any sort of activity that you don’t consider as something you have to do but rather gives you pleasure, will not only make you feel more fulfilled and satisfied the entire day but also give you a better chance to not lose yourself in this hectic-paced world.
   

Now, because I knew my work would start soon, throughout this time when I had the absolute luxury of not working, when I started incorporating these small rituals into my day, I made sure I do that before 9 am so I have better chances of implementing these changes and sustaining them too when I return to my 9to5 job. You could try a similar approach and try even during the weekend to implement this small habit and give this small retreat to yourself over the weekend so you can fully focus on finding the routine that works for you and not having the extra pressure that you need to start the job - the important thing is to “pretend” to have the same schedule as between Mon to Fri so you can sustain that with your job too.

I’m not sure I can find the right words to describe the amazing positive impact that this change has had on me, but I wish you’re ready with yourself for such a change and implement it in your life too, as it’s absolutely a game-changer. Especially if you’re a relatively demanding and intense person like I’ve been.

Habit number 2: Meditation is So Damn Real

Look, there’s no healthy habit list out there that doesn’t include meditation as a life changer; it’s probably one of the most commonly recommended habits if you want a better lifestyle. And yet, I’ve kind of considered meditation a bit of BS. Even more, I’ve tried it in the past, couldn’t see the point of it, couldn’t even sit still with myself for 5 minutes, and decided to label it again as total BS. This goes back to the theme of change - if you’re not ready within yourself to change or adopt a certain lifestyle or habit, it simply won't work.

From my early 20s, I’ve been suffering from chronic panic attacks and, despite having recommendations from specialists to practice meditation, I couldn't grasp its value. I was even getting extremely frustrated and somewhat associated it with spirituality, which didn’t make me comftable. Even with multiple medical studies supporting the benefits, I just couldn’t see the point. It felt like my mind was too narrow to be receptive to such practices.

However, in the last couple of months, I’ve been exploring a few philosophical concepts, yoga, and even spiritual concepts - which, for someone with a relatively rational brain and background, is somehow interesting - so I gave meditation another try. I can tell you now that if you reach that point within yourself to not only embrace the concept of meditation but also be patient enough with yourself in the practice, you'll discover its positive benefits.

For me, the biggest benefits I’ve discovered through meditation revolve around the ability to listen to what’s going on inside us from an internal values system, as opposed to what we are thinking, analyzing, and processing (which is the external system). Especially in these last 3 months, I’ve done a lot of introspection and reflections, and I think engaging in meditation really helps me see things from the inside out, not the opposite. So far, I had been so concentrated on the outside that I lost traction of the inside value system to the point where I wasn’t fully aware of the values important to me. Meditation really helps you explore that, but as I’ve shared before, it won’t work in this sense for you if you haven’t had that honest and raw discussion with yourself and identified with the new change.

It also gave me tools to calm myself and get into a more relaxed state, something I have been struggling with. It just reminded me that it’s so easy to take a second and reconnect to reality rather than letting things fall into autopilot mode. I also thought that to meditate, you need this perfect zen space; however, the more I play and explore the topic, the more I see that it’s as easy as taking a few seconds to breathe, refocus on yourself and the actual reality, and control the thoughts that pass through your mind.

Also, if you've been like me, associating meditation with its spiritual aspect, my suggestion would be to take what makes sense from it and incorporate things to the level that makes you feel comfortable. But I promise you, even the most rational brain can meditate and enjoy its benefits without any spiritual engagement.

As a final thought on this - in my first few days going back to work, one of my peers complimented my new chill and relaxed vibe. To be totally fair, while I believe the 3 months have given me a good rest, I fully attribute this state of being chill and relaxed to meditation.

Habit number 3 - Journal and You’ll Discover Yourself Surrounded by Much More Clarity

Another common habit, another one I couldn’t adhere to, instead adding it to my 'wasting time' activities bucket.

In the last week of work before my sabbatical, someone on my team had suggested I journal during this period, as time flies by so fast. So, I did. I bought myself a journal, and with the encouragement from them, coupled with the memory of that pleasant conversation, I started journaling. To this date, I don’t journal every single day, but rather once or twice per week, or as often as I feel the need to, sometimes more, sometimes abundantly. It’s one of those things that you read about that must be done daily; however, I’m a true believer that we need to find our own way of incorporating such practices into our lives without the unnecessary pressure that if it’s not done as prescribed (daily), it’s worthless.

Aside from meditation, journaling has become my favorite way of working on my inner state. I dump everything I find inside of me, question things, and write until I start to see things clearly. Sometimes I don’t find answers, and that’s okay too. I think the moment journaling is seen as an ongoing personal growth tool, without the necessary pressure of achieving a perfect state after you’ve written down some thoughts, it will lead you to amazing discoveries.

When I bought the journal, I had no idea where to start. Even more, if you want to laugh, I looked at a bunch of YouTube videos on how to journal. Then I reminded myself that while modern life advances and makes things so easy and accessible for us, I can’t allow myself to be so daunted by the idea of not simply allowing myself to write all sorts of things on paper without trying to learn to be 'perfect' at it. Journaling is imperfect; it’s yours, and we should all allow ourselves to play with it, explore its avenues, and not feel any pressure on how it 'should' be done.

Now, one other thing I want to share with you about journaling - it’s not always beautiful, zen, and glamorous. If what you’re looking for are those Instagram-perfect pictures where you sit down to journal, living your 'best life' - I’m not saying you cannot achieve that state, but I think the actual authentic process of journaling is far from that, at least sometimes. It can easily bring you to tears, upset, sadness, or anger. It really depends on the type of reflections you’re aiming for, but I just wanted to give you the perspective that it’s okay if it’s not as beautiful as we’ve seen on Instagram.

Alright, those have been my 3 super common habits that you see everywhere, but I have ignored them like a pro. I wish my insights will make you reflect on them, or others you might have labeled as BS, and re-evaluate if they could, in fact, be great tools you should add to your personal transformation journey

That’s it for this note, I’ll see you next week,

Luciana