If you have been a supporter of this blog from the beginning — thank you so much — this story might be familiar to you, as it is the open letter I published months ago on my About page:
Over the last decade, I've climbed the ladder from a fresh Computer Science graduate to a Senior Engineering Manager at a Fortune 500 Tech Company.
I moved countries, renovated our 100-year-old house, organized our wedding twice (thanks to the pandemic for postponing things), started a creative side hustle business in handmade paper, and fulfilled roles as a daughter, sister, wife, friend. I've done laundry, cooked meals, walked our dog daily, and who knows what else, because I can't remember. Fundamentally, that has been my problem - I have been doing so many things that I can remember only the "big ones."
I've struggled to find true relaxation.
It's as if my mind is wired to always be planning or doing something that contributes to my future. Even the idea of doing nothing feels strange — it's as if my inner self constantly nudges me towards actions that build my envisioned life.
Then in March 2023, I experienced a small episode of burnout and I reached a point of profound emptiness. Success no longer filled me with joy; instead, it left me questioning what I was truly working towards.
This personal crisis became my turning point, leading me to embark on a path of self-discovery.
In December 2023, I confronted my limitations, beliefs, and fears by taking decisive action: I asked my boss for a 3-month career break. Pushing through the discomfort of personal growth, I recognized the challenge of slowing down and accepting the need for this pause. Despite its difficulty, I understood that avoiding this necessary process would only harm me in the long run.
Throughout this process, I learned to appreciate the importance of stepping away from the relentless cycle of moving from one achievement to the next, a trait of the hyper-achiever mindset that extends beyond work to affect relationships, family, hobbies, and all aspects of life.
Raising my consciousness, I confronted the shadow side of my ambitions. I realized that my fear of being seen as anything less than successful was a major source of stress, impacting my well-being and the quality of my life. I discovered there's a thin line between being a thriving high achiever and becoming overwhelmed by one's own aspirations.
This transformative experience allowed me to see and accept my true worth beyond my professional accomplishments, guiding me to take command of my story, career and life in ways I had never imagined. It focused on authenticity and deep, lasting satisfaction over fleeting wins.
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It's been a bit more than a year since my perspective shifted, and I started seeing things differently. Now, I feel a sense of pride when I look at myself, not because I believe I’ve accomplished something impossible or extraordinary, but because I had the maturity and courage to be honest about my needs and pursue them before it was too late. Months after beginning my personal rebounding process, or understanding more about why I aggressively chase certain things to the detriment of my satisfaction and even health, I’ve reached a point where I view it as a long-term lifestyle choice. I don’t believe you can be fully healed; at the end of the day, some of the traits and behaviors from my past are deeply rooted in my personality and are not inherently “bad.” However, acknowledging and being aware of them, then using them as tools to evaluate my options and choose my steps, is how I perceive things now, and I believe it’s the way to sustain this approach.
Maybe it simply comes with age, or maybe it’s a coincidence that I’ve reached a better understanding of my behavior. However, I do believe that many things I’ve learned lately result from my curiosity. I could have ignored my true needs, disregarded all the signs, and prolonged my learning journey. So, my plan is to stay curious, continue listening to my inner signs and voice, and recalibrate whenever necessary.
For this reason, I know I need to practice what I preach and stick to healthy boundaries. With the limited time I have after returning to work in March, I find myself unable to commit to posting on this blog every Monday. It might have been too ambitious to think I could sustain this after returning to work. It’s not impossible — I could make room for it —but there are many other things I enjoy, and I prefer to diversify how I spend my energy and time. I am still passionate about sharing my learnings and insights on mastering modern life and envision building small online communities around this topic because I genuinely believe many of us are trapped in socially imposed norms and disconnected from our true selves, needs, and satisfactions.
However, two things are non-negotiable when it comes to my energy allocation: my family and everything that involves my personal life and maintaining well-being in my family and my job. I don’t believe one can coexist without the other, and neglecting either has consequences I’m not comfortable with.
So, I’ll adjust my boundaries from posting each Monday to posting occasionally.
Btw, writing these lines gives me immense joy because I realize how far I’ve come in prioritizing my needs and confidently acting on them. A past version of myself would feel ashamed for not keeping up with my commitments. I would have felt I was letting down my goals, tasting failure, feeling inadequate, and fearing others' judgment. Posting online is enlightening; you learn a lot about yourself and gain confidence, similar to public speaking. You are terrified initially, but the more you practice, the more confident you become, and the less you fear judgment. Writing online has been therapeutic for me, as has posting on YouTube. The main reason I’ve done it is to gain confidence, overcome the need for external validation, and develop my voice outside imposed norms, usually constructed by our minds, while hoping that my learnings will help others break free from the cycle of conditional validation and elite expectations.
It takes immense effort to post consistently, especially on YouTube. Even with help with editing, it still requires energy for planning, scripting, filming, SEO, and publishing. Your dinner doesn’t cook itself while you film! I’ll continue exploring a rhythm that allows me to post occasionally, share the things I enjoy, and discuss the mindset, beliefs, and lifestyle I’m adopting to achieve lasting satisfaction in modern life. So, instead of a Monday post, you’ll receive a story from time to time.
Thanks for being around!
That’s it for this Note, I’ll see you next time,
Luciana